Hide and Seek

I saw my surgeon again this morning. Last time I saw him he arranged to meet me in November to check my progress, but about ten days ago I had a blood test and a week ago his secretary rang to suggest we might need to move the appointment forward. So there were no great surprises about what he had to tell me. There is still some cancer down there somewhere, skulking about in my nether regions playing a winner takes all version of hide 'n' seek. I'll have a CT scan sometime in the next week to see if they can rumble where the little blighter is holing up, and depending on what they find, there'll be more treatment. None of it is likely to hurt much, but every available option will have side effects that I'd really rather avoid; and at least some of it is going to happen, sooner or later, probably sooner.

My reading for this morning included psalm 57:

Take pity on me, God, take pity
for in you I take refuge...

I went to St. Clair and had a soy latte ( the best of both worlds! Anti carcinogenic and pretentious!) I looked at the sea and thought about what I am going to lose, and what life will be like without it. I thought about the fact that just as there is a first time for everything, so there is also a last time. I thought about limits; about what I still want to achieve and what there is in my life that I can dispense with. I began the work of grudgingly accepting that God was paring me down because that was what best suited his purposes. I remembered Psalm 138:

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever
do not forsake the work of your hands.

and I was able, slowly, to begin to pray the bit of Psalm 57 which I had balked at earlier:

My heart is ready, God,
my heart is ready;
I will sing and make music for you.
Awake my glory,
awake lyre and harp,
that I may awake the dawn,


Kathryn said…
Dear Kelvin,

I am so sorry that you have had more not so good news. But I'm glad that you still being so positive.
God loves you so much, and I'm sure He still has lots for you to do for Him.
I will be praying for you, as always, for peace of mind, for healing for your body. And also praying that the nasty little blighter will go away forever!
Love to you, Clemency, and the family.
In His Love, Kathryn
Brian R said…
Prayers arising as Kathryn said.
Tillerman said…
I was deeply saddened to hear your news. How can I even begin to understand what it must be like to go through all of this ? I cannot. As always I will be praying for you.

Simon said…
I am sorry you have had this news, Kelvin. It's hard to know what to say. But I wish you all the best with the treatment and I hope you will find peace in the acceptance you are seeking to embrace.
Janice said…
Kelvin - I'm as sorry as I can be, but you must fight on. See if you can find some of this in NZ:
Red Clover Tincture
Trifolium Pratense
Red clover contains an interesting group of compounds called isoflavones, including genistein, diadzen, and biochanin A. Epidemiological studies provide evidence that certain dietary components can have a significant effect on the incidence and location of cancers in humans.
I can get it here if you can't find it and want to try it; I'd be happy to send you some, because you never know what might work.
And I will pray, every day, for you.
Tim Mathis said…
Hi Kelvin,

Very sorry to hear...

Thanks for a beautiful and hopeful post.