We went and saw the urologist again on Friday. He discussed options for further treatment. He outlined the probable side effects of radiotherapy and then said, "Most of these side effects will happen in about ten years, so, of course, they aren't going to be an issue for you. " It was double take, knock me down with a feather, go back a sentence or two if you don't mind time. He's a very frank, matter of fact sort of guy. He spends his days from morning til night dealing almost exclusively with men who have prostate cancer. He knows my profile. He knows the odds. He was telling me the truth as he saw it.
This was 8:30 in the morning, and I spent the rest of the day in a sobre sort of way. I did some internet research and was even more sobred. I emailed and texted my family and friends. And I got on, as best I could, with preparations for our parish fair and with the other things that would normally have happened on a Friday. Life was suddenly very rich and real and precious and I didn't want to miss a second of it. A couple of other encounters happened in the course of the day. I learned of a man about my age with five large tumours in his liver. This is normally a death sentence and an imminent one as well, but he's lived 2 years with it so far and is still going strong. He even took a 3 month voyage to the Pacific Islands on his yacht. Clemency met a woman who had a cancer of the cervix which had spread into her lymph system. Her prognosis was a 30% chance of surviving for 5 years - about the same odds the statistics give me - but 14 years later she's still here and seemingly untroubled by her cancer.
I'm aware that the number of funerals I lead often rises just after Christmas. People hang on to see their families one last time, and then let go. Our bodies and the course of our illnesses are much more intricately linked to our minds and wills than the statistics give credit for. I am aware that an authorative person giving me a timetable could, if I was not careful, become self fulfilling prophecy. I am grateful to the doctor for reminding me just how very serious the issues are and for making me aware of exactly what I am dealing with; but I have other plans. Here is another of life's paradoxes. It is important to realise the fragility of life and the imminence of death, but realising that I am only a heartbeat away from the end makes life more real and precious and makes me more determined to live it as completely as I can.
This Sunday I will preach about the ten bridesmaids and their lamps; a story which is told to enjoin watchfulness. As I was reminded by the death of Diane a few weeks ago, life is fragile and temporary for all of us. The parable says that none of us knows when we will be called to give an account of ourselves and it's probably not a bad idea to live in such a way that we won't be ashamed if today's the day. I'm suddenly very aware of that, and regretful of the huge acreages of time which I have frittered away over the past fifty six years . I want to waste as little as possible of what I have left , which may, of course, be quite a long long time yet. People beat the odds all the time and I think I am beginning to see how the dice can be weighted and the cards marked, just a little.
3 guys die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates St. Peter opens the lamb's book of life and gives a low whistle. "Wow! You guys have been really good. I mean, REALLY good," he says. "As a special reward I'm going to allow you to dictate what people will say at your funerals."
The first guy said, "At my funeral I want them to say 'He was a great husband and father'." And so it happened.
The second guy said "At my funeral I would like them to say 'He was kind to animals and everyone really liked him'." and so it happened.
The third guy said, "At my funeral I would like them to say, "Look! He just moved!'"
I'm with the third guy, all the way.
Comments
You have started in the way I know you will go on - with optimism, humour, intelligence, courage and a keen sense of reality.
Election Weekend Celebratory Joke:
Tragic Crash:
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.
A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."
Kelvin: as ever, keeping you and your family in my prayers.
The wild card is, as we all know, the international financial situation, which may 'Gang aft aglay' the well laid plans of any of the men, women or mice (rats?) that have been elected.
I've been thinking a bit about why Barack Obama inspires me and gives me hope but our local politicians do not - at least none of the ones in the major parties: none of them, not one, not even a little bit. A pack of uninspiring plodders the lot of them. I feel a blog post coming on.
One Messiah The real One)is enough for me. I don't think America needs more abortion, or physician-unassisted infanticide.
(Mustn't throw grammar under the bus.)
Best Wishes
A black president in the 1960s would have been unthinkable for them, but this year it isn't, - something has changed - let us hope and pray that whatever has changed in their heads has also changed in their hearts.
Craig.
And yes, Tillerman, the shift in consciousness in one lifetime is astonishing. More astonishing to me is the miracle Mr. Obama performed in his acceptance speech. In 8 years George W Bush had severely compromised the reputation of the United States in the eyes of almost every New Zealander I spoke to. Perhaps Bush's greatest achievement internationally has been the establishment of France as the moral leader of the free world. I thought it would take years to undo the damage. Obama did it in 10 minutes flat - and he's not even president yet. I would expect that no matter what Americans thought of his domestic policies, they should be grateful to him for that.
But 1.3 million is about the number of Iraqis and Iranians who died in the Iran-Iraq War.
As for 'destabilisation in the Middle East' - I can't think of one dictator except Saddam who fell. They're all still in power - too much stability, maybe? Bush was too much of a Wilsonian idealist for me - he imagined Arab Muslims could be democrats.
Anyway, pay a visit to *relatively peaceful and propserous Kurdistan - not everything is the Sunni triangle of tribal Islamic politics.
- and keep on taking your great photos. I like this posts one very much - did you do some sort of 'sepia' magic with your triple nipple back shackle photoshoppe thingy?
- and while I am on photos, I really like one in an earlier post of yours - in a church, three people up by the stained glass window and (I think) 5 lights floating on a very black background - very cool.
My sister has proved all the quoted statistics wrong (in her case). She is a 5 year survivor of pancreatic cancer and had a very radical surgical procedure (the Whipple). Her prognosis at the time was not good. She not only has survived, but seems to have taken on a whole new lease of life. She is now a 'Red Hatter' - and has a very active social life with these ladies. She and her husband take every opportunity to travel and have fun, and of course to spend time with family. They have also 'rescued' a greyhound who is now part of the family, and brings them a lot of joy.
I also agree with you re Obama - this could be the start of some major changes.
The New England Journal of medicine puts the civilian deaths by violence at 155,000. To these must be added those who have died as a result of disease and other causes directly attributable to the war. Save the Children Fund says the embargo before the war led to an increase of child mortality in Iraq of 150% which has not decreased and on its own accounts for 122,000 deaths.
Take the most conservative figures if you like. It is still an outrageously high price to pay, especially as the Iraqis had stuff all to do with 9/11.
Destablisation? Iraq was a non -country. A rough amalgam of disparate national entities cobbled together in the early years of the 20th Century to suit the purposes of the West. The only thing that held it together, latterly, was the brutality of Saddam Hussein.Take away the glue, nasty though it was, and the whole show falls to bits. What will happen when the Americans bow to the inevitable and pull out of the mess they have created in Iraq? They leave behind them a legacy of bitterness and hatred that will be turned against American interests for decades to come. Far from defeating Islamic fundamentalism they have given it a uniting cause and a fertile recruiting ground of embittered young people. Witness the failure to defeat, or even to permanently restrict the Taliban in Afghanistan. With chaos in post civil war Iraq what will happen to the already tenuous regime in Saudi Arabia? To Jordan, Syria and Lebanon? Like all wars this one offered nothing but the promise of more and greater trouble in the future.
The US's error lay first with W's dad in not overthrowing Saddam in 1991, and then with Rumsfeld, in executing a brilliant victory and then botching it by letting the Iraqi army melt away with its weapons, and by not sealing the border with Iran, allowing Ahmadinejad's surrogates an open field of play, as they've had with Hizbollah in Lebanon.
New Zealand's lucky in some ways - too small and too far away to figure much on the geopolitical map. But the world is shrinking.
The Lancet figures are still a crock. Saddam played all that propaganda stuff about suffering Iraqi babies for 10 years and had lots of leftish sympathizers in the West (Gorgeous George Galloway and others on his payroll), ignoring that sanctions existed precisely because of Saddam's obstructionism and cat and mouse game with the UN, which was designed to confuse the West and frighten Iran.
Yes George W's dad missed the opportunity to move on Baghdad but what would that have achieved? - the same result that his son got, only ten years earlier. Despite what the new right thinkers fantasised, it was never but NEVER going to be possible to establish a Western style democracy in Iraq - or anywhere else in the Middle East - by force of arms.
The child mortality figures are pretty well attested. Remember that before the Americans began fiddling about with it Iraq was the most secular and most westernised of the Islamic states. It had a modern health system complete with bureaucrats who kept meticulous figures. Now I know the Iraqi doctors were a bit slack in not keeping the kids alive even when deprived of equipment and drugs but the rates of infant mortality did rise, and getting the numbers of dead babies is just a matter of simple arithmetic. Yes, it is Saddam's fault ultimately, he should have been more helpful in revealing the whereabouts of his imaginary weapons. And yes, it is most unsporting of the liberals to go using the figures.
Thought number 1: Your blog is a real gift.
Thought number 2: Amazing how quickly almost everything - no matter how unrelated - leads to a heated discussion on American politics these days :)
Peace,
Tim
FWIW (nothing, actually), I was pretty doubtful if Saddam had WMD, although Powell and Blair seemed to think so - it was Saddam's deceptive cat and mouse game with the nuclear inspectors which, among other things, served to stoke doubt over whether he was abiding by the 1991 agreement. Saddam kept up the pretense to the end - why, I don't know - Arab pride? bluff against the Zionists? He could have thrown the doors open to all and shown he was kosher (unfortunate word there!). The infant mortality rates during his regime were entirely due to the UN sanctions against him which the Oil for Food (= money for Annan scam) was meant to alleviate.
But anyone who thinks Saddam and beloved sons Qusay and Uday wouldn't have been back on the case once the world (i.e. US politicians) had tired of keeping watch is living in cloud cuckoo land.