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Reflections

Our self perception is shaped by the way we see ourselves reflected back in the reactions of others. They smile at us and speak to us and we know we are valued and wanted. They look hurriedly away or move hurriedly on and somewhere inside we note the sinking feeling that accompanies a diminishment in our selves. Of course when we are mature and robust in our self perceptions these things matter less, but we are never unaffected. This is why the most important skills we can teach children are  social. This is why isolation exacts such a toll. This is why the Western fetish of individualism is such a destructive idea, and why we need each other: our very sense of self depends on it.
Of course reflections are not always accurate. In fact they are not usually accurate and have as much to do with the current inner state of the other as they have to do with us. Which is why discernment and the ability to reflect on ourselves are right up there with social skills as necessary human tools for survival, stability and flourishing.

When Jesus taught his disciples to pray he gave them the short prescription we now label "The Lord's Prayer." It contains no singular pronouns. When we stand before all that is most real and most true, we are what we are made by our presence in community.

What do the reactions of others tell us of ourselves? And more importantly, how do my interactions with others reflect back to them the beauty and power of what God created them to be?

Photos: Nikon D750, Tamron 150-600 zoom @ 600 mm, 1/1000, f10. I set the shutter speed and aperture to compensate for the shortcomings of the Tamron lens, which I was hand holding - it's physically very large and thus hard to hold steady, and it's slightly soft at its widest apertures. The iso was chosen by the camera and was, in these cases around 1000.




Comments

Alden Smith said…
You state ".... never, never affected" Shouldn't that be UNaffected? I think you have left the prefix off - no need to publish this comment.
Alden Smith said…
Also NF pub..."When Jesus taught his disciples to pray her..." should be HE. I spent 42 years proof reading children's stories ... can't help myself. ...
Kelvin Wright said…
Think about the double negative.
Alden Smith said…
I always thought double negatives were poor grammar, but far be it for me to preach to someone with a degree in English - But they are certainly confusing.
Alden Smith said…
I found your comment "This is why isolation exacts such a toll" particularly topical. I have just finished reading the Trappist Monk Thomas Merton's autobiography 'The Seven Storey Mountain'. Merton writes how when he was growing up he and his friends didn't want to include Merton's little brother in their play and would often throw stones at him to keep him away. Merton writes of reflecting on this situation as an adult and finding himself mortified and deeply ashamed. I can identify with this as throwing stones at a younger brother (and worse) is exactly what I used to do and like Merton it is something I am deeply ashamed of - it makes me physically wince to think about it and an on going sense of guilt. Children can be very cruel and the dynamics of sibling rivalry and the family pecking order are layered, complex and have life long implications.

As a teacher of over 40 years I have observed similar isolation and rejection in the playground and know how devastating this can be for children and am aware of the long term effects for some.


On a different tack ...... I think the photo on this post is excellent. The ripples from the tide on the legs of the Oyster Catcher? give just the right balance with the stillness of the mirrored surface of the water. The image is crisp and clear, with a minimum use? of photo shopping type of software (which I prefer, but that's a personal preference).
I guess the limitations of Tamron lenses are something that you get used to working around? I am surprised by the price of lenses - The dilemma of purchasing a complete high-end lense set would be; do you buy the lenses or a new car?
Kelvin Wright said…
Involuntary isolation is as bad a thing for a child to suffer as the more obvious forms of abuse. If a kid has a strong family and a reliable source of counter messages to the ones s/he is receiving at school, then s/he may well survive OK. But if there aren’t those positive voices the kid is in big trouble. And Without an accurate sense of self they will have trouble themselves forming and maintaining good and accurate communication networks (by which I mean relationships) later in life. Or so I have heard.

Yes, the photo has had minimal work. But actually, the post processing is an important part of it all, given the limitations of even the best cameras. I probably spend as much time in front of the computer as I do behind the camera, which is about par for the course. In this case, I trimmed away about half the picture - the unnecessary bits - removed a lot of distracting splodges from the water and lightened the reflection to make it more closely echo the bird. None of this is tampering so much as trying to reproduce what I actually saw.

Yes lenses are a fearsome price. Thats one reason to buy a Nikon as opposed to other brands. Nikons lenses are as pricey as anyone else’s, but my camera - unlike any other brand, including arch rival Canon - will accept any lens made by Nikon right back to the 1950s. This means that if you know what to look for you can buy some second hand professional level gear for very very good prices. The second level lens makers once made cheap, good enough gear aimed at the consumer market. Their stuff was great for backyard photos of the kids but severely liimited for much else. but now they are equaling the best that Canon or Nikon produce. Particularly Tamron, Sigma and Tokina. You can get pro level lenses for half the cost of the real thing, or sometimes even less.
Annelise said…
You have heard correctly. The first paragraph of your comment above describes me pretty well. Those counter messages just weren't strong enough when I was a kid. I find interpersonal relationships and emotional regulation challenging, and I have to work really hard on maintaining that good sense of self. The difference now is that I know where to go to get extra help when I need it, and I understand the reasons why I tend towards anxiety and self-isolation and I know what I need to do to fend it off. One of the sure ways, as you allude to, is to gather with others, whether family, choir, pub-mates, community working bee or small-town supermarket queue. No matter how reluctant or uncomfortable I am, more often or not the reactions of others help me feel included, less self-absorbed and part of the real world again. What we reflect back to people is really something to be aware of.
Kelvin Wright said…
Thanks for being so open Annelise. When I said that "I have heard about this" I was of course being autobiographical. My own story may not be too different, in quality rather than details, from yours. And I know what people very dear to me have suffered from ostracism and isolation. 

I hope I'm not overstepping the mark here, but whenever I've met you I've been left with the impression of someone at peace with themselves and with good reserves of strength and resilience. You seem, iow, to have your shit together. Which is a reminder to me that you never know what lies in someone's background or present circumstances, and the way we treat even the most robust seeming people needs to be tempered with the knowledge of the unknown effects of our words and actions on others.

Alden Smith said…
I agree with you regarding the "unknown effects of our words and actions on others". I have learned that this is particularly so in forums such as this where only the printed word is available. So much of our face to face communication relies on the nuance and subtlety of body language, the timbre of our voice etc that it is easy to offend with online comments without realizing it - what was meant as humourous or tongue in the cheek challenging in an online comment is always received without the full face to face communication context of subtle clues and cues to the full meaning. We are all somewhat fragile and it is easy to offend. When in doubt, most of my more intelligent online friends simply don't publish my comments (which often saves me from myself) for which I am most grateful.

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