I had my little brother to stay this week, and didn't get time for things like blog writing. There were other things to be done: motorcycle shops to be visited and sofas to be sat on and words to be spoken. Lots and lots of words. Since I have been ill, all my brothers have come to see me, and my sister too for that matter, and all in their own way have brought me something to move me along the path of wholeness. I'm not sure that it was planned that way, but all my familial visits seemed to bring the right person to me at the right time. Now, the radiotherapy has only another week to run: I am nearly out the other side of this process and am feeling ridiculously fit and well. In about two months time there will be another blood test and it will tell me whether the deep fryer has dealt to this thing for good or whether there are several more exciting chapters in the cancer story to unfold over the next few years. Either way, I'm not unduly worried and it was helpful to see Murray as I move back out of the shadows and into the light again.
Guhyavajra (Murray) is two years younger than me, and as we shared most closely the experiences of childhood, we have a deeply and finely honed mutual understanding. He has been living in the UK for years now, so he's a fund of useful information about travelling there and to Europe. More importantly, over the years there has been a strange parallelism in our spiritual lives. He is Buddhist and has spent most of his adult life serving in and with a spiritual community.It's interesting how similarly churches and Buddhist men's communities operate. Over many years of conversation we have tested out the boundaries of Christianity and Buddhism, and we know where we agree and where we differ with equal clarity. Consequently, I find him far safer to talk to than most Christians. About ten minutes into a conversation with Christians, and most are either treating me as some sort of guru or are wanting to correct and/or save me. In Christian company I usually have to measure what I say; with Guhyavajra I can say what I bloody well like and know it will be thoughfully and honestly and intelligently reflected back to me without fear and without judgement. So we spoke of our shared childhood and the adolescence where our paths began to markedly differ. We spoke of the challenging but joyous present and the uncertain future. We pontificated about the nature of reality and the meaning of the universe. And then, too soon, he was gone.
I'll see him in June when we will stay with him in Norwich and where the conversation no doubt will pick up where it left off, as it has done so many times in the last few decades. And for him, and for Alistair and Val and Stuart I return thanks to the Father from whom every family on heaven and on earth takes its name.
Comments
You wrote, "About ten minutes into a conversation with Christians, and most are either treating me as some sort of guru or are wanting to correct and/or save me. In Christian company I usually have to measure what I say"
Snap.
I have been in this Diocese for ten years. During those ten years I have told no one what I believe. I don't intend to begin. A year ago I was given title "Vicar" which included spiritual direction. I was disturbed by this expectation, I have learned to avoid vulnerability like that. After a long search, and much checking, I found someone who I felt could trust (incidentally ordained, not Anglican). And that person agreed. I don't need to be criticised, I don't need to be jumped on. And while someone may feel the need to bring me up I don't feel the corresponding need to be brought up.
But why is this? How did it happen? What are the forces, historical circumstances, etc. which have created this extraordinary caution in what we say to each other? I am interested in your thoughts about how this came about.
Bill Schroeder
It is really great that Murray was able to make the trip from the UK to visit you.
I think I remember Murray when he was about 13? :-)
Besides that, I'm glad you feel so good, you don't look much like your brother, and there's nothing like family, if you've got a good one. And there's also your good friend Alden, who's always willing to bully you into shape: hey Alden!
Well, I must away to my bed; still praying for you without ceasing!
It's the inherent defensiveness and insecurity in much Christian conversation that I'm wary of. It's very hard to be truly open around that.
How wonderful you've got a brother with whom you can talk so intimately!
I wonder if you've read Forrest Church's book, Love and Death? He's in a situation similar to yours and he offers a wonderful perspective. I'll review it in a couple of days on my blog, Mindful Heart, but of course you can read about it online.
BTW, I'm listening to, and enjoying, your most recent sermon on death.
I'll visit your blog regularly.
This entire series of posts is outstanding. I do get what you are saying. I'm very Christian but do appreciate many aspects of Buddhist thinking on dependent arising and the nature of reality "as it is" and the way we conflate our own projections onto objects, ideas, paradigms and constructs even.
Very Best,
J.